Hygiene Anyone?
by Aera-Chan
Summary: All Kaiba wants to do is take a shower, but what happens when he gets locked inside the same bathroom as a certain mutt? FINISHED
1. Oops!

Hello, er... Whatever… yes… anyways! Thank you for clicking the title to read this fic, I hope that this fic will be worth your time ^^*honestly hopes*

Saa… this is a… _different _kind of fic I guess… its, interesting…

Well, enjoy!

Hygiene Anyone?

By: Aera-chan

Anime: Yugioh!

Genre: Romance/Humor (haven't written a humor fic in forever)

Posted: 03-26/04

Parings: Kaiba/Joey 

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I slowly slip the rim of my boxers over my hips, allowing them to fall, pooling around my bare feet. 

Maybe a hot shower will clear my head, I'm so stressed right now. I wish there was a way to burn all of it away, all these damn feelings, these sick, disgusting, and above all, confusing feelings. Not only feelings, but thoughts. Disgusting ones. Ones that make me want to throw up, or jump off of Kaiba Corps. tallest tower. What a fall that would be. Its some 50 stories high.

I cant believe Mokuba talked me into this, into inviting _them. _More specifically, Yugi and his idiotic friends. 

Especially that one, the mutt, he's the stupidest, most moronic of all of them. He's always going on like he's better than me, ha! Better than me? He should get his head checked. He is the lowest, most detestable thing I have ever had the displeasure of stepping on.

He makes me so mad. With his annoying accent, and that messy nest that he calls hair. And his clothes, ick! I mean I guess his jeans are okay, but that nasty green jacket he always wears… somebody call the fashion police. He's finally ditched it though, thank god! But still, that t-shirt he wears now, too baggy. A muscle shirt or a tank top would be better, more form fitting…

Ack! There they are again! Those thoughts. I do not like Joey Wheeler! I hate him… don't I? Of course, of course I hate him. I've always hated him. He's so…

My head hurts… I don't care anyways… I don't feel anything for anybody, and so I don't even need to dwell on something of such insignificance.

Correct? Correct.

Still… I cant help but feel a little aroused by the thought of Joey in actual tight clothes…

Maybe I've been working too much lately. Maybe I'm losing it. Yeah, I'm definitely losing it…

'Cause I think I getting a hard on just thinking about that stupid dog!

"Yeah, I'm losing it. Case settled." I mumble out loud. I'm a loony.

I was just about to turn the water on when I heard a click of the doorknob being turned. The door opened. I didn't do anything, all I did was hide behind the curtain of the shower like a little scared child. I cant believe I forgot to lock it… wait, its probably the other door, yeah, I forgot to lock it, then again, I'm not used to guests.

Hopefully its Mokuba, then I can tell him that I'm taking a shower. Then he'll stroll off casually yawning an apology. I need to work on that with him. He's polite, but he still has far to go, I guess it helps to have parents around now doesn't it?

Suddenly the door hinges creak signaling that its being shut, the lock clicks. I'm in deep shit, wait, this is _my_ house. I get first dibs damnit!

But what if its that Tea girl, I'd feel so embarrassed if she saw me naked and vise versa. She'd call me a pervert and would never let it down. Damn. Then I'd have to tell her that I'm not even into girls, that I'm into…

Wait, when did I decide _that_? I don't even _like _guys. I just don't like anyone, period. 

I was ready to scream something along the lines of, _"Get the hell out of here! I'm taking a shower, damnit!" _when I heard humming. _Familiar_ humming.

Oh shit, I can feel myself hardening at the thought. 

Damn, Joey, that _stupid_ mutt, is in _my _bathroom, I'm _naked_, who knows what he's wearing! And I've got the most visible arousal I've ever had. Well, most likely that would be because _I'm friggin stark naked!_

Think, think. What should I do? I'm too afraid, heh, what a thought, me scared? Well I sure as hell am! Its not everyday the person you're having mixed feelings and issues over is gonna see you in your barest moment.

Well, if I was going to do anything, its too late now. 

I can hear a soft thump hit the floor, I can only guess what that is. Hmn, lets think on that one, okay, so… 1. To take a shower properly, first you need to be, (a.) Fully clothed (b.) In an ice cream man's suit, or, (c.) _NAKED!! _

Okay, so I admit that thinking about the obvious and/or giving myself a multiple choice test in a time like this is probably not the best thing to do, I should be thinking about how to get myself out of this mess, but no, I have to be Mr. Obvious… wait, its quiet. 

I listen for a few seconds, but I conclude that my troubles have passed, well that is until I hear a hand swipe back the curtains with such ferocity that I begin to wonder if 'Joey' is actually excited about taking a shower, that _dirty _mutt. Okay, bad thoughts, really very bad thoughts. What the hell am I doing?? 

I look up at my intruder.

Warm amber meets my cold blue ice.

The amber shrinks into small marbles in a sea of white foam. 

"K-Kaiba?" He chokes out. Then my worst nightmare comes true, he glances down. Idiot. If my arms weren't dead or frozen or whatever they were at the moment, I would hit him right in the face for violating me like that. Stupid pervert.

Then I notice something, he's _still looking at me._

What? Is he gay or something, or is it normal for him to check out other nude males?

Whatever it is, I don't want to know, so I decide to turn around and yell at him.

"What the hell is wrong with you Wheeler? Are you really that stupid? I was taking a shower in here." I said as calmly as a could, although I couldn't stop shaking in nervousness. After all, he had seen much more than I would ever have wanted him to see.

I glanced behind me, he was seething with anger and embarrassment. Ha! Dumb mutt.

"Well excuse me Mr. I don't lock doors! I didn't know you were even in here! And I'm not stupid, you are! You cant even lock the door or say your in here dumbass." he said, yelling to my back.

"This _is _my house after all, I can do whatever I like. 

"Well excuse me for expecting you to be hospitable!" He raged at me.

"I guess I can let it slide." I said coolly from the little corner of the shower I hid my face in. Real cool, don't you think?

I could hear him sigh exasperatedly throwing his arms in the air in defeat. "You sure are the strange one there Kaiba."

"If I'm so strange, why don't you leave." I said, my voice icy. I glared back over my shoulder at him. I think he got the message.

He stepped back out of the shower and looked around for his clothes. He yelped. "Hey, where's my clothes? I left them right _here_!" 

I stepped out of the shower, coming over to see what his stupidity had caused now. But of course I was smart, I grabbed a towel from the rack, wrapping it around my waist. I strategically placed my hands in front of myself, since I was still quite visible to the general public.

"They are probably…" I paused as I dropped a towel over his head. "…somewhere close. Its not like they could just walk off… but I don't know when it was the last time you actually _washed_ your clothes so its entirely possible to consider them alive at this point…" I grunted as he punched me in the stomach.

"I _do to _wash my clothes _and _I take a shower _everyday_…stupid  jerk." He walked over towards the door.

He sure is funny when he's mad. Ha! 'Stupid Jerk'? That's all he could come up with? Hahahahaha! I win!

I watched as he unlocked the door and turned the handle. Wait, why isn't it turning when he's supposed to be turning it? Why is he grunting as he is practically trying to rip the whole thing off of the door? Why isn't it turning?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH IT?!?!

"Eh? Why wont it work?" He grunts and tries to re-lock it and work it. I push him to the side, trying the handle for myself. It wont turn. 

Okay, now I'm panicking. I run over to the other door, trying that one.

It's the same… it's the same! IT'S THE SAME!!

Holy crap! I stuck in the same bathroom as _HIM!!_

To be continued…

_____________________________________________________________________________________

That was… interesting… Ne, please tell me what you thought, reviews are very much appreciated. ^^

This fic should only be 2 chapters long, maybe even a little bit of lime coming up, that is if I get brave enough to write it. ^^;; Hopefully chpt 2 will be as "interesting" as the first, I wrote the first chapter at least half a year ago… wow. I'm trying to post some of the fics I wrote awhile back. Hence one part will be very different from the first. Oh well.

Please review ^__^

-Aera


	2. Doh!

Thank you so much for all the reviews!

Thanks to: steel-angel-wing-weaver, Macduff's Mistress, Lilly5, Santurion1, Selene, shadowxmen, backupsystem (..violent..hehe), Yugi-Redwall-fan, alostblackcat, Amonae (Canadian people are cool ), Takoya, BRIDGET (do you happen to be the same person as Takoya by any chance?)

Sorry for such a long time between updates, I was having issues "getting in touch" with my humor side, this chapters a little more… I don't know really, less humorous… I tried, I swear I tried cries

Kaiba's… OOC in general.. well, its not like we really know what he's thinking on the inside, oh well! Hehe Enjoy

Hygiene Anyone?

By: Aera-chan

Anime: Yugioh!

Genre: Romance/Humor (kinda amazing for me)

Posted: 06-13/04

Parings: Kaiba/Joey

Awhile later we're both sitting on the floor. I'm having the urge to lunge at him and murder him on the spot! He's been humming for the last half hour!

Wait, half hour? Exactly how long have we been in here?! Okay, I'm starting to panic again.

Joey looks over at me funny. So what if I'm "twitching" and "rocking" back and forth. Do I really look that insane.

"You okay?" he asks me. Gee, lets think, okay, I'm stuck in a BATHROOM, NAKED as the day I was born, sitting next to a highly attractive NUDE blonde!! DO YOU THINK I'M OKAY???!

"Shut up." I growl. Okay, I admit that was… heck, I don't care. Its my house, I cant be mean if I want.

He growls under his breath at me. Good, just like the dog he is.

I guess I pretty much killed our conversation, we sit there again for awhile before he starts to talk some more.

"So… what were ya doing…before I came in?"

Um, what does he mean by _that_ exactly?

"_What_?"

"Um.. Well, I couldn't help noticing… were ya, ya know… doing _something_?"

I am so confused. "Like what?" I ask, not bothering to show my confusion.

He twitches slightly, apparently he doesn't really want to talk about this subject although he brought it up to begin with.

He looks down at the floor as he twiddles with a piece of lint from the towels. His face is a little red.

"Ya know… like…jerking off…"

I cough. "I don't jerk off…" I cant believe he asked me that! What is with this guy?

He gets real quiet suddenly, I have to strain to hear him. "You had a hard on though…"

I want to smirk but know I shouldn't. "You were looking?" I guess I made my tone sound a little too disgusted. He looks hurt. Oh well, he was the one violating me, so yeah.

He's silent for awhile. Then "I guess its habit…"

"…_habit_?"

"Um…well.."

Okay, now I'm just curious. Is he, ya know… well, might as well ask.

"Are you… into guys or something?"

He doesn't answer for awhile, apparently I hit a soft spot.

"I don't know."

"_Wouldn't_ you?" I ask. I would think that he would at least have an idea.

"..well, I don't know… I've been having other thoughts lately…"

"Like what?"

He doesn't say much for awhile. I think he's contemplating on what he wants to tell me, after all, its me. Its not like its Yugi or someone he can really trust right off hand.

"There's this guy I know…" Figures. I wonder who it is. Maybe its Tristan, they're always… hanging on each other anyways.

"Yeah… _and_…?" I want to know, I hope I don't sound too pushy.

"I dunno, I just feel…" He trails off.

"Attracted? Confused maybe?"

He looks up to meet my eyes. "Yeah, have you ever felt that way about someone?"

He looks shy almost. He's so cute… wait, did he just ask me about what I think he did. How can tell him I was having _those_ kind of thoughts right when he was asking me that?

I decide to look away from his direction. "Why should I tell you?"

I can almost feel the heat of his anger radiating off his body onto mine.

"Because if one person is open with another person, the other person feels more open to share with them too." he sounds pissed.

I sigh, giving in. "Fine, yes, there is this guy I know who is…" I don't feel like finishing that sentence.

"Hot?" I guess he did. I can feel the giggling in his voice. I don't feel like answering him at the moment, I'm not even sure if I want to have this conversation at the moment.

I feel his little fingers jabbing me in the side, I wanted to laugh, it does tickle, but I don't. I pretend to be annoyed by huffing and turning away.

"Come on, say it, you think he's hot!" he giggles at me. What a numbskull.

"No… I think he's dumb." Ha! I just called him dumb and he doesn't even know it! Wait, did I just admit that I actually like him? Man, I'm losing it…

"So… a dumb blonde eh?" He laughs, I want to laugh too.

"Agreed." I say in an amused voice.

He's silent. I think he's a little confused by my smirking. The idiot.

"He _is _quite the idiot, but I still…" I trail off. What am I getting myself into? Do I want to just say it out loud to him?! Jeeze! He may be an idiot but I think I'm pushing my luck.

"You really like him don't you?" he asks me shyly.

What am I supposed to say to _that_?

Feeling a little bold, a little outside of myself maybe, I make a mistake and mumble, "I don't know, I used to hate him, but…"  Blah! What was I thinking?

He doesn't say anything for the longest time. Maybe he's grown bored with this subject. Please let that be!

"…Is it… some one I know?" Guess that's a no.

I felt my shoulders move into a shrug. "…you might…" What the bloody hell am I doing? Is my mouth just flying solo? Jeeze!

"Who?" Like I'd honestly tell him.

"Cant tell." Leave me alone bozo!

"Why?" Does he not get it?

"Cause."

"Why?"

"Because I cant okay."

"Oh come on! Its not that big of a deal!"

I'm silent for a long time trying anything to get this guy to lay off. He must be the biggest dumbass this side of… wherever!

Joey nudges me in the side. I'm about this close, _this close_, to ripping his towel off and wrapping it around his neck and pulling…

I'm sure the rest of me would be on a different agenda considering THERE'S NOTHING UNDER THAT TOWEL!!

…I am calm…

He nudges me again.

Just as I'm about to turn on him with teeth bared, he speaks.

"If you tell me who you like, I'll tell you who I'm crushing deal?"

…damn friggin…

"No." I answer in a very CALM COLLECTED voice. See, I really am good at keeping my cool in TIGHT situations…

…yeah… it's a little _tight _down there too… damn towel thing won't get out of my head…

"Come on!"

Can he NOT see the little VEINS popping out of my FRIGGIN HEAD?!

"Can I at least guess?"

I bite my bottom lip.

"I guess."

He would never guess himself.

He rubs his chin in that annoyingly cute way… I cant believe that I actually… okay, I don't even want to repeat it..

"Is it… Yugi?" Like hell…

I give him the buzzer. "Wrong answer."

He looks at me for a second then continues on with his thinking.

…Must be difficult for that poor little brain.. Hah hah…

"Yami?"

I shake my head.

"Ryou or Bakura?"

I shake my head again twice.

…why's he guessing only his friends… does he think I'm _that_ disconnected to the outside world? I get out… on the weekends… sometimes…okay not. Whatever.

"Duke Devlin?"

My laughter makes him blush.

"…Pegasus?"

I glare at him with one of my worst…

From his puddle on the ground he whimpers a "Just kidding Kaiba."

Yeah, that's what I thought.

"Is it…"

He's still playing this lame game? He's so… stupid…

"..me?"

I'm about ready to give him one of my standard 'no' answers when I realize what he just said.

The insults I was about to rain down on him get caught in my throat.

He's staring at me now, I can only look away.

I wonder how red my face is, it probably isn't… I forgot how to be embarrassed a long time ago.

Lacking a blush does nothing to bring my voice back, I whisper…

"Ya got me.." No use in lying at this point.

He doesn't say anything for a long time, he's got to be totally disgusted.. Wait, he likes guys too so its not that big of a… aw hell it's a shock!

I turn to glare at him. He's blinking like some kind of dumbass…

I take that back, he _IS_ a dumbass.

A cute dumbass…

Friggin…

"Really?"

No tact, kinda squeaked…

I give it a 4 out of 10.

"You like me? _Seriously_?"

Oh my god…

"Yes! I _like _you! What? Are you going to rub it in my face now?" I all but scream at him.

He's blinking again… he should seriously get his eyes checked out..

Just as I'm about to comment on his retarded blinking, he grabs my face, literally…

Everything blurs, all I can see in his blond bangs in my eyes..

He's kissing me..

I'm so angry at him I push him down to the tiled floor, our lips never breaking apart.

Damn boy messing with my locked up emotions, he doesn't know what he was doing to me all this time.

I don't think I've ever kissed someone like this…

Okay I've never kissed someone… period.

I finally pull away from him, he's breathless and totally defenseless beneath me…

He grins, cocky bastard.

"Hell no! I like you too Kaiba."

That would have been nice to know to begin with.

"Fuck you Wheeler."

I can see the dirty little wheels turning in his head.

"You'd like that wouldn't you?"

I would really like to kill him right now… or kiss him..

His leg shifts slightly and I cant help but glance down.

Damn towels out to get me, came loose..

"Hell yeah." I guess I'll take the latter… and a little more on the side maybe..

Just as I'm leaning down to kiss that son of a bitch, the door opens.

The door… THE DAMN DOOR!!

I turn around and GLARE at my new enemy..

Its the white haired kid… Ryou_… damn… friggin… British…_

I'm getting ready to scream at him to get the hell out when…

"How'd you get in?" Joey says it so calmly…and its not exactly the words I would use…

"It was open the whole time."

…friggin…

THE END 

Sorry guys, I promised you some lime… lets just say that Kaiba finally did get around to telling Ryou off… leaving the two of them alone… yes, very much alone.

Sorry it took so long to update, I feel so bad. BUT! That's why its lacking in… limey-ness, I wanted to get it up now right now! (typed it all up today.. okay, most)

Hope you enjoyed the ending, hmm, I wonder if Mokuba _did_ have anything to do with it.. Poor innocent Ryou.

Thanks for reading, sorry its so short (my humor is kinda running low)

Please review! hey, should I do a sequel? I dunno, its up to you guys.

See you later,

-Aera


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